Socrates said (via Plato, in Apology), “the unexamined life is not worth living.” I agree.
I will turn 50 in a few weeks, which has prompted much introspection about where I’ve been and where I am going in life. Overall, I am appreciative of the path I’ve created. I’m deeply grateful for everything that has worked out and all that didn’t. Interestingly, those things that didn’t work out were often my greatest teachers.
In some ways, I’ve lived a magical life. I’ve enjoyed traveling, playing music in bands, earning advanced degrees, teaching college students, marrying the love of my life, adopting numerous fur babies, owning a business, writing books, and a host of other things that challenged me mentally, physically, and spiritually. Many big goals took a while to achieve, but I always finished what I set out to do. However, I still have much to do, as people of all ages say. Wondering where I go from here (age 50, that is), I am guided by two questions: 1) What matters? And 2) What do I want to do with the rest of my life?
As I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I realized that my priorities have changed. I no longer chase success or materiality. They have proven to be false predictors of happiness and contentment. Nowadays, I seek value and meaningfulness, which often come at a low cost while offering great rewards. What matters, then? Health, happiness, and wholeness in my mental, physical, and spiritual life. Here are my guiding principles to achieve those ends:
1) Don’t postpone happiness. There will never be a perfect time or situation, so savor every good and bad bit of it.
2) Happiness is not usually experienced as blissful euphoria, but rather contentment and peacefulness. Allow yourself to experience these as often as you can.
3) Nurture your relationship with yourself, other people, animals, the planet, and your Creator.
4) Be kind, compassionate, giving, and nonjudgmental. Do not harm. Forgive quickly and easily. Try to see the good in yourself and others.
5) Be optimistic and make the best of whatever you create, experience, and observe.
6) Feel and express appreciation often. You have air, water, food, clothing, shelter, roads, schools, faith, opportunities, love, and everything else imaginable within your reach.
7) Do what you can to right your wrongs, and let your demons go. Then you will not live with regret, and you’ll sleep better at night.
8) Don’t let good opportunities pass you up. Don’t let bad opportunities get anywhere near you.
9) Take care of your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Eat healthy, get an appropriate amount of exercise, grow your brain, nurture your creativity, and feed your soul daily.
10) Until your dying breath, engage with life. Live with a purpose of your choosing, and do it to the best of your ability. Never stop dreaming and having goals. Be creative; your ability to create is the greatest gift your Creator gave you.
I’ve been stuck on that last point (#10) for a few months now because I’m reevaluating my goals and purposes. My life has changed drastically over the past two years (moved across the country, sold a home, sold a business, resumed writing as a creative passion, etc.), so I’ve worked hard on getting settled in my new life. Along the way, I noticed that I stopped going for life with gusto, and I began to crave comfort—which is something I often see among my peer group. Of course, it is easier to do something less challenging, but it comes with a cost: Life gets boring and safe.
The remedy for my stagnancy was adventure. My new goal was to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zones. I began venturing out to have new types of experiences, some of which required a lot of effort—physically, mentally, and spiritually.
· My husband and I went to Hocking Hills, Ohio, and hiked 6+ miles of challenging terrain to absorb some grounding earth energy and rejuvenate our souls. It also taught us about the many muscles in our bodies we do not use enough. Lesson learned!
· We went to Ohio State Reformatory (a.k.a. Shawshank Prison) to learn about a hidden side of human nature. Fortunately, since we hiked so much at Hocking Hills the week before, we were prepared for the endless stairs. We were less prepared for the heaviness we felt as we viewed the cages that restrained thousands of human lives from the world beyond its walls. Our somber mood made us realize that we appreciate the exteriors of prisons way more than the interiors of them.
· To rejuvenate my writing spirit, I joined an incredible writing group filled with bright and supportive members that make my inner creative goddess sing with delight.
· I recently went to a party to see some great bands and hang out with friends I knew in high school but haven’t seen in years. Even though I am an introvert, I felt welcomed and inspired among these great folks and talented musicians.
I plan on keeping the momentum going by visiting a nearby zoo, attending some comedy clubs, seeing some concerts, and finding some musicians to play with. The point of all of this has never been to prove what I can do. It is about living life purposively, fully alive, and engaged.
While the impetus for such changes was prompted by the big 5-0, part of it was inspired by several events that happened this summer. Two dear friends died. Another friend lost her young daughter to cancer. Amid the chaos, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She caught it early (stage 2), but it was scary. As I looked around the hospitals and cancer centers that I have been to lately, I noticed many people questioning the meaning of their life and the possibility of their death.
We all have things we want to do in our lives, but I wonder how many people actually make time and space for them. This line of reasoning is not a plea to add more stuff to your list of things to do. This is not a plea to acquire more things that you always wanted to have. This is a nudge to encourage you to live with purpose and do those things that are most meaningful to you while you can. If you don’t create a space for them now, will you ever?
Any good thing worth pursuing takes effort—intention, planning, and action. The path will not always be easy. However, it is not usually as difficult as we imagine. We are extremely capable human beings. Even if we are not fully prepared for our goals, we can joyfully get prepared. When we think about all the things that once were difficult that are easy now—walking, talking, eating, writing, building relationships, acquiring work related skills, etc.—we realize that all things are possible through proper effort. However, only choose those things that will add to the quality and meaningfulness of our lives.
While I am hung up about turning 50, I also know that age is just a number. It holds only the meaning that we give to it. What matters most is to live life on purpose. There is no escaping death, but until that time, let’s make the best of it.
Life is precious. It is simultaneously resilient and fragile, plannable and unpredictable. In the tiny space that each of us occupy, we breathe new life into the Universe. And like the powerful butterfly effect, each little action or motion affects everything it comes in contact with. Be selective about what you put into motion because it will craft your life and your legacy.