A dear friend of mine died a couple of weeks ago. He packed a lot of life into forty-six years, so I don’t think he left with regret. But after such a great ride, many of us wondered why he stepped off when he did. While he had several health issues, none seemed immediate. Therefore, it was a shock to his friends and family when he got sick and died so quickly.
I think his downfall began a couple of years ago when he faced some health obstacles that prevented him from driving. These events decreased his ability to do the exciting things that he loved to do. Before this tragic blow, he toured around the world with musical bands and lived a life admired by many of his friends. With the loss of his mobility and freedom, a chunk of his life had been cut out. Despite the efforts of many of his friends to get him out of his funk, he became more isolated.
I remember having conversations with him about his potential future, but I felt that he wanted his old life back. He was smart, talented, and highly creative. He was capable of many things, but he kept looking at the door that had been closed rather than the door that was open before him. In other words, he would not envision a new purpose to lead him into the future. Feeling that he had completed what he came here to do, he released his mortal coil.
Purpose is the reason we do what we do, the intention behind our most significant actions. We seek it because it makes us feel alive and gives us something meaningful to work toward, without which we would feel stagnant and aimless.
As a former educator, I encountered students struggling to find their purpose. They thought it related to their pursuit of a degree, a profitable career, a family, or various material things—perhaps because that is what they had been taught to achieve. However, these are goals rather than a purpose, and seeking one without the other will not lead to fulfillment.
Students were learning a lot of information, but it was meaningless without a purpose. Then I began employing a practice known as service-learning, whereby students would actively participate with an organization of their choice and give presentations to their classmates about a related topic. I was amazed at how many students went deep into the activity. They did numerous jobs, like helping abuse victims, preparing animals for adoption, volunteering at homeless shelters, or numerous other types of advocacy.
Students discovered that they could make a difference in the lives of others. I think that as they faced bigger social problems, their personal problems shrunk down to size. More importantly, many opened their heart. Flooded with compassion, they experienced purpose. Some students changed career paths, and some developed purpose through other paths.
What is Purpose?
Purpose is an evasive concept. We’re taught to seek it, yet we’re not quite sure what it is. It is not what you do, but the reason you do what you do. Unless you are one of the few people who have a clear pull toward some vocation—ministry, medicine, child welfare, etc.—you will likely have to decide upon a purpose rather than wait for one to be revealed to you.
Purpose is your contribution. It is what you give of yourself to other people or some higher vision. It is best when offered authentically, selflessly, and lovingly. While it may benefit the giver, that should not be the intention of the purpose.
I cannot lend a hand in helping you discover or create your purpose, but I can tell you that it is worthy of pursuit. You can tell if you are experiencing a sense of purpose when what you are doing feels meaningful, rewarding, and is expanding the lives of yourself and others in some way. It does not need to be grand. It is about quality over quantity.
For me, my purpose is to experience and to help other people experience the Spiritual in daily life. I achieve that through various goals and activities, which include writing, meditating, collective healings, music, volunteering, reading, and participating in everyday life as a spiritual student.
I decided upon my purpose years ago when I realized that my spirituality was the most meaningful and fulfilling part of my life. It was not a Divine-revelation but a simple choice.
Choosing Your Purpose—the What
To decide upon your purpose, start by considering what is most meaningful to you. What would you like to do that will make a difference in your life and the lives of those around you? Explore potential purposes by asking: What matters most to me? What are my strongest values?
While you are seeking a purpose, it may help to meditate, journal, or hone your skills of observation and awareness as you walk through each day. Notice what resonates with you, and what causes discord. What can your insights infer about your potential purposes? Carry a notepad to write about your thoughts and ideas.
Some people choose broad purposes, like social justice, gender equality, creating a sustainable environment, or caring for a certain population in the world—homeless, elderly, children, animals, etc. Most people choose something closer to home—being a good parent, partner, and friend; helping to produce a constructive change in a specific community, etc.
The Reasons You Attribute to Your Purpose—the Why
Make sure your why is consistent with your highest values and does not feed egotistical or selfish desires. When it comes to purpose, we are not in competition. Inspiration comes from choosing an authentic path. Are you pursuing your purpose because of a deep desire to do it? Or are you seeking it because of what you can get from it?
Properly directed, a meaningful purpose is a powerful source of motivation. You feel intrinsic motivation when you pursue something just for the sake of doing it, whereas extrinsic motivation only comes when you are seeking to gain something or prevent harm. Intrinsic motivation feeds your purpose and spirit, while extrinsic motivation results in temporarily gratifying external gains. Everyone has both types of motivation, but intrinsic motivation will lead you toward your deeper purpose.
The Process of Bringing Your Purpose to Fruition—the How
· Define: Have a clearly defined purpose. You cannot go for it if you do not know what “it” is.
· Prepare: Devise a clear plan for achieving your purpose. Break down your vision into manageable goals and tasks, then schedule them.
· Execute: Put your plan into motion. Optimistically move through your day with purposeful attention, intention, expectation, and belief.
· Evaluate: Periodically, evaluate your progress to determine if you are moving toward or away from your purpose. Revamp as needed.
Living with Purpose
Living with purpose will help you feel more alive and deeply connected with everyone and everything around you. Through your purpose, you elevate your and others’ experience in the world, which, like a ripple effect, cannot help but expand infinitely and return to you many-fold. As you sow, so shall you reap. Fill your garden with the best of purposes, and shall it return to you in plenty.
Your purpose is not to live as many years as possible, but to fill the years you have with purpose. At least that is what my friend did. And although he is no longer with us, he left his mark on the hearts of those he encountered. Thank you, Eric, for teaching me about purpose in your special way. I love you. Rest in peace, dear friend!