It’s that time of year again when many of us commit to great plans of self-improvement and vow to follow through this time. Our plans are often the same, year after year: lose weight, get in shape, quit drinking, stop smoking, eat healthier, get a better job, go back to school, be kinder, or have a better attitude. Within a short amount of time, most of us will fall back into the comfort of our old-established habits.
The major reason we fall is that we are overly ambitious. We overestimate what we are willing to do tomorrow. We rationalize that the future will offer us more clarity, energy, time, money, and motivation, but those aspirations always seem to be a day away. Unless we win the lottery or get struck by magic, tomorrow will be a lot like today. Don’t fret, though, as there are effective ways to reach your goals if you approach them gradually and with a bit more intention.
Let’s start with our intentions. We may have lots of reasons for wanting what we do, but underneath all of it is a very basic concept: We think that achieving our goal will make us feel better than we currently do—mentally, physically, and spiritually. Before we get too far into pursuing our goal, we should consider whether achieving it will make us feel in the manner that we think it will.
If our goal is to lose twenty pounds, we imagine a success that makes us feel proud and perhaps a bit sexy. The reality of it may be significantly different than we expect, though, if we approach our goals too quickly, carelessly, or superficially. If pursued hastily, our goal might make us feel hungry, cranky, and unsatisfied, leading us back to our old weight—only to feel worse.
It is important to pursue our goals for the right reasons and in a sustainable manner, which is not something that can be determined fully by anyone except you. Here are a few suggestions that may help on your journey.
First suggestion: Do it for you. Do it because you want to do it, not because you are trying to prove something to other people. Think through your desire and make sure that you want it, are willing to work for it, and can be reasonably certain that you will enjoy the result. Preferably, you will have picked something that will bring long-term contentment (e.g., a habit of healthy exercise or eating, a plan for gaining valuable experience or education, a goal to improve your relationships in a meaningful manner) rather than just temporary satisfaction (e.g., acquisition of a material item, a superficial benchmark).
Second suggestion: Explore your intentions by contemplating what you want and why you want to achieve it. At the beginning of a new year, so many people are seeking to lose weight and get fit because they want to look better. This approach might send you down a path that feels awful (restrictive diets, painful workouts, likely failure). Underneath all intentions is the true desire: To feel better. Why not make your ultimate goal to feel better? Perhaps then your goal will shift from trying to lose weight to trying to feel healthier, which will be more sustainable, healthier, and enjoyable.
Third suggestion: Create a clear and feasible plan. We can get overly enthusiastic about what we think we can achieve in a short amount of time, but then fall short because our bodies and minds resist drastic change. Your resources, like time, energy, and money, are finite. Instead of going so big, start with smaller commitments and build up gradually.
For example, instead of joining a gym and going five times a week for hour-long stretches, consider doing twenty minutes only three times a week. The latter is much more sustainable. Plus, it will cause a lot less injury, which will prevent you from thinking you can’t do it. You could even make it easier by buying some inexpensive weights and doing exercises in the convenience of your living room. After a month, you could up your workouts by 10 minutes if you want to, or not if you don’t.
Instead of quitting smoking cold turkey, giving up all sweets, or going back to school full time, try a gradual approach to ease your body and mind into the change. The slower shift might minimize stress and train your brain and body that you can meet with success when you work with them rather than against them.
Additionally, strive not to make too many changes at once. Seek for one (two at most) change at a time. Starting to exercise is one change. Modifying your eating is another. Trying to do both at the same time might make you feel overwhelmed.
Stress is a crisis in today’s world. When something you are doing is making you feel more stress, your natural inclination will be to stop it. Healthy eating and exercise can cut stress, but these changes can increase tension if you try to do too much at once. Strive to maintain a sense of balance as you implement new activities in your life.
Fourth suggestion: Know that the real change is occurring in your brain.
In the process of establishing habits or quitting them, you are training your brain on how to respond. If you start slow and meet with success, your brain complies and prepares to automate the habit in a relatively short amount of time.
All the habits that you take for granted now—walking, reading, brushing your teeth, eating with a fork—were skills that were once difficult. Now you perform them effortlessly. You do many habitual things, which indicates that your brain can make anything a habit if you put forth a consistent effort.
If, however, you keep quitting when things get challenging, you are teaching your brain that you like to quit—and that can become a habit, too. You must train your mind and body to change in a slow, steady, and sustainable manner if you want to be successful.
One of the ways to trick your brain into continuing a habit is to make it as enjoyable as possible. It is hard to convince your brain to accept something that it perceives to be a struggle or punishment. This can be done both mentally and physically.
· Mentally, you can frame the change in terms of the benefits you will receive and the joy you can derive from the process. This type of decision varies from person to person because only you know what motivates and inspires you.
o For example, if you want to quit smoking, you might envision spending more time with your children as they get older. You might even find motivation by envisioning what life might be like if you don’t quit smoking (e.g., lung cancer, earlier death, more sicknesses, etc.).
o I tell myself that I like to exercise because it makes me feel more energetic, encourages positivity, and helps my brain work better so that I am mentally clearer when writing.
· Physically, you can trick your brain into a habit by making the change fun, pleasurable, and easy.
o If you want to eat healthier, find tasty recipes that you enjoy eating that are good for you, preferably ones that are fairly easy to make.
o If you want to begin an exercise regimen, wear clothes that feel good, engage in only mild to moderate exertion, work out with a friend, listen to music that you enjoy, get out in a pleasant natural environment, or play a fun sport.
While planning can help bring your goals to fruition, don’t overthink it. You might talk yourself out of it before you get started.
In the beginning, your brain and body will likely resist the change you are trying to implement. However, if you stick with it—repeating your pattern consistently, you will wire your brain for a new constructive habit. In as little as thirty days, you will associate the change with feelings of ease, positivity, and normalness.
You may face slumps from time to time, which are cues from your brain indicating that it is boring, so you may need to introduce a new challenge or fun aspect to keep it engaging. Those are usually good opportunities to push yourself a little harder or in a new direction that feels inspiring.
Our brains and bodies are certainly odd creatures. They resist change but then grow bored without something novel from time to time. Like us, they like growth, and they like comfort—both of which are great things if balanced properly.
Rather than going for a grand new year resolution, remember that slow and steady wins the race. Small successes remind us that we are capable of accomplishing what we set out to do. With practice, we realize that we can make the changes we desire in a manageable manner and that our journeys can be in joy rather than suffering. Resolutions like that are worth pursuing—resulting in a rewarding, successful, and happy new year.